My worst nightmare happened on September 14, 2011 when we took our 2 month old daughter to her well visit. I was always on the fence about vaccines but still uninformed and weak. My husband was more traditional but he knew he didn't want her to get ALL shots in one day. We argued a lot. Mostly because he didn't understand the true dangers of vaccine ingredients until that unforgettable day. We were being bullied and felt a lot of pressure from family and doctors but in the end he was ok with delaying until doing more research. So we were prepared to decline at this visit... or so we thought we were prepared!
We arrived at the doctors office, signed in and sat down. It was super crowded that day but we managed to find a seat right in front of check in. I don't tell many people this part of our story but feel it is important to mention here on my site. I noticed a disheveled woman eyeing me as she was looking for a seat. My husband, the gentleman that he is, got up so she could sit down. I didn't feel like engaging in conversation so I bent over in my chair and acted like I was adjusting my daughters blankets hoping she wouldn't talk to me. Not that I'm antisocial because I'm far from that, I just had a lot on my mind and knew I was about to go into a doctors room filled with sharks ready to attack me when I refuse the recommended vaccines...
The woman didn't care that I was preoccupied and asked why I was there. Still adjusting my daughters blankets, I told her we were there for a well visit. I could feel her staring at me. Her energy was very strong that made me I look over at her. She then said "Will your baby be getting vaccines?" Looking away, thinking I was going to get into a heated argument because we were going to delay or possibly refuse all together. I told her I wasn't sure that we were going to talk with the doctor more about.... and before I could finish what I was going to say she put her hand on my knee. My first reaction was to push her hand off of me, grab my baby and run as fast as I could out of there but instead I looked at her. She was staring into my eyes and said very matter of fact and with a sense of urgency - "Please do not give any vaccines. If you do your baby will die"
My husband was standing right next to me and heard everything. Before I could even respond, he immediately grabbed our daughter and motioned for me to get up to follow him so I did. He told me not to listen to her that she was crazy and seconds later the nurse called our name to come back to a room. As I passed by the woman, I could see that her eyes were so genuine and sincere but still wondered in the back of my mind if she really was crazy.
When we got into the room we talked with the doctor for what seemed to be hours. I shed some tears and voiced my concern all while nursing my daughter to sleep. We felt pressured and bullied and torn all at the same time. The doctor said he would step out of the room to give us a moment to discuss our decision but would prefer us not leaving without getting some of the recommended vaccines. Why did I trust him so much? Was it because he was funny and witty and always had a way of making me feel comfortable enough not to question him too much or maybe because his wife had their daughter around the same week as I had mine so I felt a connection in that way. I don't know but now I question EVERYTHING.
He kept saying how he got all vaccines for both of his daughters on time and they were "just fine". He also kept said "Dont worry, she will be ok. That she will most likely have a sore spot on each leg and MAYBE a fever but that should be it" and then went on to say "relax, Nikie it will be ok." At no time did we discuss any severe adverse reaction caused by vaccine ingredients. The ones that tried to kill my daughter. At no time did he say there is a chance she will stop breathing or even the more common side effect, a seizure. Nothing. All he said was "She MIGHT get a fever and most likely two sore spots on each leg." This is a huge problem with patient - doctor relationship.. The communication. I was a first time parent. I trusted him to disclose all possible reactions small and big and not poo poo it saying all will be fine because all is not fine every time!
We discussed, we cried (well I did anyway) and in the end we decided to do the selective method. I wasn't strong enough to say NO. I still felt the pressure. When the doctor came back in the room we asked him what ones he recommended and he said "the most important ones for sure, the DTaP and Pneumococcal." so that is what we did. The nurse came in with the needles. My daughter was sleeping on me. My heart began to race. I felt my face and whole body get hot. My stomach began to turn and I had a lump in my throat. I didn't want to do it. I knew I didn't want to. My gut was telling me no. I wanted to slap the needle out of the nurses hand and just scream "Stay Away From My Daughter" but I was frozen. Afraid of what would happen if didn't refused.
I allowed that nurse to jab each of my daughters legs. She instantly woke up and started crying but I cried harder than she did. I just stood there for a minute in the cold plain doctors room sobbing as my husband hugged us both.
On the car ride home, my daughter started screaming but it wasn't just any scream. It was that high pitched scream. You know the one. The one they talk about, the one you never want to hear. I tried everything that I could to console her. I got into the back seat and made funny faces and made up silly songs and noises but she wasn't responding. I wanted to get her out of the seat but we were almost home. She continued to scream until we walked in the front door so I ended up swaddling her in a very light breathable wrap and a diaper. She actually loved being swaddled so I thought that would help her feel safe. I walked around and nursed her and she started to calm down and fall asleep. I remember thinking... "FINALLY she is falling asleep." I kick myself now because I didn't realize at the time her body was shutting down.
She was a bit clammy and looked a little pale but I figured it was probably a side effect and I should anticipate a fever. My husband had previously committed to meeting up with some friends from out of town right down the street and I remember being mad at him because I wanted him to stay with me because my phone had been acting up for some reason the battery would drain quickly if I tried to use it and we didn't have a land line in case of an emergency. I was terrified something would happen and kept thinking about what that woman told me at the dr. office.
My husband assured me that he would only be an hour and that everything would be fine and not to worry. I asked him to say a prayer with me and then he left. She was still asleep so I laid her down into her crib. We had a one bedroom at the time so I figured I would be able to hear if anything would happen but still took the baby monitor with me.
I was a nervous wreck but needed to keep busy so I went into the kitchen and swept the floor for some reason. I knew I should eat so I made a sandwich. I sat down on the couch, turned on the tv and just as I was about to take a bite of my sandwich, this wave of nausea came over me but it wasn't just a wave it was a gigantic tidal wave of fear and sickness that literally forced me up off the couch which sent my plate flying but I didn't care. For a split second I wasn't sure if I was going to run into the bathroom to throw up or if I was going to run into the room to check my daughter. The gut force took over and made me run into the room where my daughter was. I turned on the light... and this all happened in a matter of seconds~ I looked at my daughter and her mouth was slightly open and her neck looked wet. I yelled her name- nothing. I placed my hand on her chest and gently rocked her to try and wake her up- nothing. I picked her up. She was limp and her head dangled... I laid her down and checked if she was breathing- nothing. I immediately started CPR and the ONLY reason I knew how to give an infant CPR was because I used to be a Flight Attendant. I was able to remain calm and act quickly and even thought it seemed like eternity I continued. The next thing I knew, she responded.
I immediately picked her up and grabbed my phone. I dialed 911 and my phone died. I couldn't believe it. I actually saw the battery drain so I ran outside screaming for anyone to help me and thankfully our neighbor was home and came running outside to help. He called 911... they were there within minutes and took over. I used the EMTs cell phone to call my husband to meet us at the hospital. She received a bunch of testing that all came up negative.
When the Head Of Pediatrics came in to discuss what happened he determined that her reaction was from the DTaP and in the same breath he said to me. "Had you not gone in to check on her when you did, she would have been a SIDS baby." This was a lot to process. The longest most terrifying day EVER!
Once we were released, I immediately hired a Homeopath who was our saving grace. She gently detoxed her back to health. It was a long journey but we are more than grateful to have her here with us today. We continue to detox 3 days a week with epsom salt bentonite clay baths and build her immune system with daily.
It's never been so clear to me now the actual dangers vaccine ingredients can do to a human body. There is no question anymore. I am 100% confident in my gut that they are dangerous. For some the reaction is quick and for some it may take years but I know this - there is nothing clean about vaccines. Parents on the fence about vaccinating, please know that you do not need to go to well visits. Vaccines are the only agenda for these visits and they will pressure you so if you are not prepared chances are you will make a hasty decision... Like I did. Take your child to the doctor when they are sick and you have exhausted every effort to get them better on your own.
Never take a child when they are healthy. There is no reason to. Do you go to the doctor when you are healthy? I don't - but if you do end up taking your child because you love well visits and you are attacked, take a deep breath, ask your doctor bring you the vaccine insert for the vaccines they want to give and have him dissect every single ingredient. Make him go over every single adverse reaction and explain to you what they mean. Do not do anything more at this point just let them know you will need some time to process that information AND really go home and process the information. You have to go into that office and feel 100% confident in your gut about your INFORMED decision. If you live in a state where vaccines are mandatory to go to school, please do not let this be your deciding factor. Your family history and genetic abnormalities alone may qualify for a medical exemption but you have to put in the work. This is a battle you have to be willing to fight with your whole heart so be prepared to put on your boxing gloves.
If you plan on vaccinating your child the one piece of valuable advice I can give you is please PLEASE make sure you know CPR and that you keep a close eye on your baby for at least 3 weeks after the injection was given. Watch for signs. Your intuition - your GUT will tell you. Listen to it because it is always right. No matter how exhausted you are never blow off a sign that makes you feel uncomfortable.
I will never forget that day nor will I forget that woman in the doctors office. I really believe she was an angel trying to warn me. I will always listen to my gut and make informed choices. I will never let anyone try to bully me into doing something I am not comfortable with nor will I ever be a follower. I am friends with parents who lost their baby to vaccines and I can't help to feel guilty. For some reason I was able to save my baby that day. I just wish I could save them all... My heart breaks daily!